Book III - Page 22

It was good to get back and I liked how we parted... I think we both feel that this is friendship and nothing more but with all we both had on our minds we needed someone to understand and just make you forget fro a little while.

It was good to hear from Grimm over the corder it made it all a little easier knowing his is alright.
He wants to tell me something when he gets back and I am curious as to what it was he was holding back cause there was something.

Blade and I decided to not tell anyone but well if he asks then I don't think I can lie, so well I hope he dosent ask cause of his temper.
I still hope Blade and I will be close friends cause we are much alike and he is not afraid to tell me what he thinks and be honest and up front with me. Besides I think he learned that I am more of an equal that a damsel in distress so we are leveled and that is worth a lot to me.
I trust him so I do hope we will not slip apart.

Its a bit lonely at the house with the others gone. I wonder where Zap and Fisher are? I just hope they are alright.

Book III - Page 21

Well been in Feralas the last couple of days cause after our talk at the lighthouse and then finding the note at the forge well i got worried.

Talked a mage into making a portal to the stronghold and once there it took me a while to catch his scent.
But when I saw him on the bridge I became unsure... This is sacred lands and I am an outsider. I thought what the fell, i had traveled this far to find him, he might as well buy a girl a drink for my troubles.
He seems rather surprised and chocked that I was there and at first I was not sure if that was a good or a bad thing.
There comes this beautiful elven female, one Blade knew. Seemingly she could only speak elvish and I didn't understand a thing.
When it started pouring down we went to the inn or what ever the elves call it. The elven lady actually seemed worried that I had traveled here but she left shortly after we had arrived maybe she wanted him for herself and with little clueless me there she figured she would wait for another day.

The he decides for us to take that date right then and there bragging about being a wiz in the kitchen but ends up burning the food. Well it might be my fault just a little that that happened seems I distracted him a bit to much.
Well how could I not I mean to finally have someone that is not afraid to play along and not put the world into it. Oh and the fact that he has this roguish attitude and looks like cut marble well how could I complain. Still I do hope Grimm will understand cause I.. I fear loosing his friendship and more...

I think it was because he was not afraid to speak his mind and not afraid to touch me; Small things at first or maybe it was just primal urges. But i cant deny that is was i night I wont forget. And the knowledge of not having to think more of it, no string, no expectations no nothing well...
But he made me look at Zap in a new way or well I don't know, he thinks she likes me as well, like Fisher and Grimm likes me? Have I just been blind to that? Is that why she gave me the painting.. the house?
Blade was mostly concerned how the others would react if they found out that he had stepped in, and I agree I don't want to start any trouble and I know I should never have started anything with coworkers but I never planned any of this and never meant for anything to happen well sure something casual one night and we move on and laugh about it but nothing like this...
I hope Grimm will be back soon.

We slept at the oasis and it was nice to just sit together and talk with no relation to what had happened but that saying he knew well both things were fulfilled... I don't really know what happened when we started talking about the others about love I felt scared, trapped, like I couldn't breath and had he not challenged me I think I would have run off and gotten myself into something stupid.
Yes and well he kinda saw the whiplashes and he got angry as well but he understood my need for revenge on my terms and backed down.

I hope it helped Blade a little to talk with me about it all or well mostly about his daughter but still, I would feel better knowing that I actually managed to help him a little as well.

It seems he will have his hands full when he returns so he wont have time for me anyways.

But I do think I have earned his respect with both...

Book III - Page 20

I ran into Blade. Everytime I see him he reminds me of that race comment from the night we played truth or dare. I wanted to cheer him up cause there is something about him I can relate to. We went to the light house but strangely people kept interrupting us so I didn't happen. Though I do think Grimm kinda misunderstod with me all wet and cuddled up against Blade but that death knight woman was freakingly cold and I want to talk more with Blade cause the few things we did get to talk about, i feel like he really listens and he is certainly not afraid to put me in my place. Besides for an elf he is rather pleasing to the eyes, though he is SO huge.

Ran into Grimm at the cemetery. I cant be long in the city before he catches my scent. I dont know if I like that or it creeps me out a little but in a good way.
I was surpriced to find out how much he actually pays attention to the little things i say and well im an airhead so I dont remember half myself.

Well went on that job and it seemed rutine but no.. How can I ever look them in the eyes after that. I know Grimm with go berserk if i tell him so better hide the bruises and all and keep on a smile. I am good at that and I dont want him hurt because of me, besides I want that pleasure of ripping them apart all to myself.. One by one.
It still bothers me that Grimm is so protective. I can handle myself... most of the time.
I think i got him distracted enough with the whole getting him to train me not that i am not excited about it cause i really am. All I know I have learned on my own so to have another who knows what it is all like to train me. I cant wait to get started.

The evening at the house in Lakesire was nice, been a long time since I have just sat down all cosy like and slowly i learn more and more about him Grimm that is.
Haven't seen Fisher in ages but then again I have been away as well.
Grimm just frustrates me and I am getting tired of hearing that he keeps his distance to not effect my choosing but he dosen't understand the more he pulls away the less I have to choose on and it always being me that cant hold back I cant keep this up cause I need to feel wanted not that I am forcing him and it seemed that he understod me when I told him that. Cause well for the first time he made the first move and when I left he seemed actually to not mind if I had tried to do.. more?

Book III - Page 19

Fisher found my hiding spot out by the harbour.. I need to remember to turn off that corder thing.
Well after the other night where it seemed Grimm didn't really like how things ended, I needed to make sure.. again that Fisher knew that this is not serious.
He seemed to be okay with it or well he said he understod.
He was afraid I was gonna tell him off but how can I he is so darn cute and well unlike Grimm he is not afraid to do something about it. Yes yes i know Grimm is just being a gentle man but come on im not a kid.
But he had to leave again so didn't really get anywhere...

With Grimm pushing me away and Fisher constantly leaving and running into Aeron with that new chick, just needed to get away and get really REALLY drunk and of course Grimm finds me, how the fell he tracked me there I have no idea but DAMM he is SO hot when Im drunk I mean even more than normally.
But much of that evening is hazzy and by the neathers its gonna be a while before i drink so much bourbon again.
Gods he can annoy me at times and not drinking just makes me look the sadder and not wanting to fight me get me angry. Afraid to do something he would regret pfft he should just shut up and enjoy it for once.

Worst part is I understand him but its just not why I need right now. I just need to move ahead and not hang in this sad state. But we also got to talk a little about our families and the past. Well that was only because of the alcohol else I never talk of what happened.

Grimm didn' agree with me how I see him and Fisher.
But at least he dosent want me to leave. Was sweet of him to say I hold us all together.

Seems I fell asleep out there and Grimm carried me to Lakesire and put me to bed... Still woke up alone... Always the gentleman.

He woke me the next night well I was still feeling like I was run over by a dragon or something. We sat at the peer eating and this blind girl comes along.. Xayah I think her name was, she was apprently of the order though I have not seen her before but then again there are a lot I have not met yet.
She was rather strange a demon hunter or something cause she kept talking to herself or well her demon apparently.
But my head was killing me so I needed to go lay down again but this time Grimm agreed to stay with me until I fell asleep, I slept much better that night but still rest comes uneasy to me.

Book III - Page 18

I got promoted! YUSH! I think I have been stumbling around with two left feet and been really bad at my assignments but still Leath promoted me so I must have done some things right. I just need to show them the potential I havent really had the chance to and well it does give me hope for advancement that I have not been satisfied with my performance.

Primal found the perfect spot and I cant believe she signed the deed in my name. I need to think of something awesome to repay her with but what? What does a druid really like and would be totally into. Well I now have a place to hang my picture though I am not sure. Would it not seem awfully self centered to have such a portrait on the wall?

The challenge from Leath was way too easy, that is my kind of work and could have gotten way more. I would have liked to do this alone cause i work faster alone, not needing to wait but I know teamwork is more important. I just got so annoyed with her just deciding how we should do it and who did what. I mean I got the information and a lot more in no time.
Teamwork is about using each others strengths to overcome weakness and get the job dont fast and efficient. This was neither. Just do what the job says no more no less. Its not like I dont want perfection but its about doing what we are told as well and not doing a shit load of other things, not that we have had the time anyways.
I am just very competitive and it was good for me to work on my patience and Irka is sweet when she is not all death and destruction.

I just hope I havent fucked things up with Grimm and went to fare? I mean it is so clear that he hides behind this "i dont give a feck" attitude and well knowing about that woman I can understand why he keeps everyone at a distance. He is just protecting himself.
But he needs to know that he does not need to have his guards up with me and with the others i would think.
Fell I felt like a fool trying to push him in the water and then slipping and falling in myself. Its this blasted bad luck but well it did seem to cheer him up at least.
And then he goes at gets me all worried when i get the chance to actually push him in. How was i to know how heavy that armor was.
And well the thought of that job. He seemed worried and that is not something I think is like him. I did what I had to do to get him back safely or well rather safe. I hope. He gave me his promise that he would try everything to get back.

And well i may be the one to blush but he is the shy one. It was my brah cause my clothes were wet its not like i stripped down and well back in Lakeshire my bikini was less. He is wierd in that regard.

But closest treasure... I like that thought.

Book III - Page 17

My first contract with the order and I totally blow it. Was really looking forward to it and to impress but instead i end up with a strained ankle and mud everywhere and i do mean everywhere but at least the night didnt end with me being alone.

Met up with some of the others. That female shadow user elf called us there. Havent gotten her name yet and Leath was there as well. Its clear that rank and discipline means a lot to him. I need to remember that. But we were sent after this mage which turned out to be two in the end.

I was totally taken off guard when that elf spoke in my head, havent tried that before and I didnt like it. Who knows what someone that can reach into your mind can do in there.

I really felt useless on the trip and it was taking for every but following Leaths orders and walking all together in one big happy group.
Then that fecking wind nearly knocks me over but instead i strain my ankle. Like that was better. Grimm wanted to help me and Fisher seemed to want to help me as well.

I need to tell them off I dont need their fuss over me in front of the Bosses and I did fine before i met them. I can handle myself. Im not some damsel in distress to fuss about.

Clearly Leath had a favorite among us. Hyde this and Hyde that, seems we others werent good enough at anything. Okay I know my fall might have put me at a disadvantage but still. And about Hyde what was all that with the Boss sending her away after she gabbed at him? Well seems the made up maybe he also has a soft spot for her. I dont have anything against her she seems quite skilled but never liked favoritism. specially when the others have had little chance to prove themselves. And especially not on a mission, what they do in private is their business but was so obvious she could do no wrong in his eyes.

Did i forget to mention I HATE SWAPMS. There i said it. I really hate them, boog and mud and slime URGH get in everywhere.

The scheme in that little goblin village turned to shit, seems it was the wrong person we were tracking. But we finaly caught up with them. And YAY i slipped again but at least i got to crack the scull of one of them, Fisher distracted him and Blade took his head clean off.
All went on the other mage and well seeing as they were seven against one I thought it safe enough to check on Leath. He was badly hurt and did my best to get him back on his feet though when all the others came starting healing and what then not much more for me to do.

I just wanted that bath after that fall in the mud and well loosing my boot. Just another of "its just not my day" i guess. Fisher found me at the griphon master he let me stay in his room but still I told him I couldn't do anything because of it being so new being single and all but it was nice to not sleep alone. Like when Grimm and Primal and me slept at her place.

Still was hard to keep my hands to myself that night.

Book III - Page 16

Found Fisher at the pond.. well fishing and Grimm showed. It is a good place to find those guys it seems, dont even need to look.

Grimm keeps putting way to much into me and Fisher but well dont know where that will go. All I know is im not ready for any relationship right now. Need to find my ground again after Aeron.
Havent even seen him around since. Well he might have just moved on.

Seems both Grimm and Fisher have been brawlers. maybe for that Tyson guy that approched me and wanted me to fight? Nahh his pay was terrible.

We went out drinking and playing a little more truth or dare well only truth this time before i needed to leave. Grimm wanted to pay for my room but I had enough gold from the brawling job so Ill be set for some time.

I like hanging out with those two well not only because they are both cute but well they are great fun as well. But I was sorry i forced Grimm to talk about his past. It was clear it was a sore spot for him. But not all women are like that. Best i keep my distance cause i would not want to cause him pain better be a friend then and have his back.

Seems im terribly loose, cause i was surely the one that had bedded most. I have just never been good at intimacy, im a loner but that dosent mean i dont have needs. Grimm was sweet trying to tell me something like that didnt matter.
The jobs just get lonely and well with no one to return home to, its easy to just find someone randome to keep you warm for a night. Besides no strings mean not being tied down.

I need to be better at not blushing cause they keep teasing me with it and i dont even know why i blush, never used to blush so easily, did i?

Well took a room at the pig cause its the cheapest. Dont think ill get much sleep from the noise.